No Words...

Five years ago today, our baby girl arrived five and a half weeks early catching all of us by surprise. It was a period of emotional extremes. I was overwhelmed with feelings of love, joy, and blessing over our bug, but I also could not understand why she had to come early, why I was only able to hold her for a brief ten minutes before she was whisked to the NCCU, why she had to go through the pain of IVs and a feeding tube, why I had to leave the hospital without her. The brief thirty minutes I was able to spend with her at each of her feedings while she was in the hospital for eight days just wasn't enough after having her inside of me every second of every minute for the eight months prior. At the time, I could not see past my own guilt (I blamed myself for her early arrival) and the grief over my own expectations to trust in and see the providence of God's plan for Mae's start. Once again, I was trying to fit Him into my own little box of control-my own little world I was creating. Five years later, I now see so many reasons for Mae's early entrance, and I know there are many more that God will reveal to us in the years to come. She loves and protects her brothers something fierce, and true to her nature, she was doing it from day one. Because of her arrival, my doctors watched me closely and the boys made it to full-term. She loves hearing the story of how she was already taking care of them from her very first days. She helps me escape the suffocating limits of my expecations time and time again by just being who she is. She defies expectations in her own gentle yet strong approach to life. To try to put who she is into words would be robbing the true beauty of her spirit. A friend once said to me after she had spent some close time with our girl, "I am excited to see the woman Mae becomes. There is just something about her." I reeled off, "I know, she has such a quiet confidence to her." My friend repsonded, "Yes, but that's not it." I then reeled off, "I know, she just has a peace to her." Same reponse from my friend. We never could put our finger on it. Like I said, there just aren't words enough, but I am blessed beyond measure that I get to experience and watch that precious spirit grow firsthand. To know her, really is to love her!

Bug, thank you for making me a mommy on February 11th, 2006! You have brought and continue to bring me and your daddy unending joy. We delight in you! Happy 5th, baby girl!