Sand fleas

Last week, we were in North Carolina at my in-laws beach house, Whaleyboo. I have really grown to love this spot.... it is the house, the deck, then exactly thirty-eight beautifully character-aged wood steps down to the sprawling beach and vast Atlantic Ocean, that is wonderfully it.......

As we were flying out there, I found myself brainstorming different activities and games we could do to keep our little ones energy focused in positive ways, thinking about the right balance of free play vs. entertainment, structure vs. use of imagination...

Then, we landed, hit the grocery for the week, went to the beach, and bascially stayed there for the next seven days...

The first morning as I looked out over the ocean and horizon, feeling that awesome sensation of your feet being more and more firmly planted in the sand as the tide goes in and out, that soft, sweet rhythm of the waves splashing over them acting like nature's own personal foot massage, I looked down for a moment and saw what looked at first glimpse like a school of fish swimming out each time the tide drifted out. My interest peeked, I realized upon closer inspection that it looked a little more like a swarm of large bugs popping out of the sand and swimming.

Moment OVER! I have always considered myself fairly outdoorsy, but these little boogers grossed me out. As I turned around in disgust, I watched in horror as my man scooped up a large handful of wet sand, walked up the beach, dumped it on the drier sand, and eight little critters came racing out scurrying back to the wet sand to bury themselves. Now, I am sure you are saying to yourself, "So what!?! It sounds like just a crab." But these little things were more like a cross between the largest bug you have ever seen and a crab which is why they are affectionately known as sand fleas...perfect name, perfect description, and as far as I was concerned, YUCK!.....

But, as the days passed, my affection for these little nothings grew and they amazingly turned into somethings. I watched as my little "bugs" delighted in these little fleas. It was the beach's own built-in toy chest. Bruce who affectionately called them "animals" would request to see and hold one over and over. Mae and Whitt would collect them in water buckets, and we would have sand flea races seeing whose could make it to the wet sand and bury themselves the fastest as we yelled and screamed cheering them on. By the end of the week, I found myself walking up the beach collecting giant handfuls of sand searching for the little guys....

And, that is where I found the sand fleas' beauty. God reveals himself through His Word and His Creation. He is whispering and screaming out to us in all directions, but in this McSupersize me world of instant gratification, we get so busy, so focused, so determined, so analytical we at times miss His beauty. My mind was so busy, so focused, so determined, analyzing how I could create the perfect family vacation, and all we really needed was God, us, and His offerings. Our God who can be so complicated in His extravagant redeeming love for us, His jealousy for us, His wrath, His judgement, His realtional being, His plans, His purposes, His holiness, His mercy, His sweet restoring grace that our brains can't possibly understand the fullness of Him can also be so beautifully simple as he calls us to slow down, to really feel His love, bask in it, His joy, the joy that is peace smiling....even using a sand flea.....

And, it is in these truths of the heart, where my brain and my flesh rest with my heart, that I know to my core without a shadow of doubt that He is the Truth, His ways are the only Way, He is the Great I am, lover of my soul....

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46: 10

She wore an.....

itsy, bitsy...teeny, weeny....yellow polka-dot ZUCCHINI!!??!!

A conversation between Mae, Whitt, and I at the beach...

Whitt: "I really like your tazakanini!!"

Mae, in her most patronizing "you are only a four year old and I am a five year old" voice: "Whitt!! It is not a tazakanini! It is a zakanini!"

Mae pondering for a few moments, but trying to hide the uncertainty. Then, you see the light bulb ding in her head.

Mae: "No, it is a zucchini. Mommy, we really love your zucchini!"

Unabashadely

I have dealt with guilt from the very first moments of becoming a mother, and over the past few years I have realized that guilt is the direct nemesis of joy, the joy that has been lovingly sent to us. Therefore, I choose to delight in praise and thanksgiving all the more when I feel the undercurrent of guilt slowly seeping in, and my beautiful two-year old birthday boy with the red curls has allowed me to do so with gusto.

I could feel completely guilty that I have really babied my last baby, I mean really babied!

BUT,

I prayed for this child, this baby, my last, and God has made me feel so loved with the gift of our red curls. He knew I needed a human barnacle turned koala bear who wraps and enfolds himself around me lingering just a little bit longer than the others ever did; He knew I needed a baby who has a bit of Mae's quiet confidence and independence as well as a bit of Whitt's energy and boyish excitment giving me glimpses back to my two other beautiful babies; He knew I needed a little one who fiercly grabs my hand and will assert himself with his booming deep voice when he needs a "mommy" fix; He knew I needed red curls that probably won't see their first haircut for another couple of years; He knew I needed a child who is not won over easily (this kid can give the stink-eye like no other) which makes his love for me that much sweeter with a heart-warming intensity to it; He knew exactly what I needed and more than I could have dreamed of, and I in turn have honored Him by unabashadly delighting in this child, soaking in every moment of babyhood-every giggle, cry, and sweet swishing sound of a diaper on the move; the intoxicating smell and delicate touch of soft baby skin; the moments of wonder and excitement experiencing the "firsts" of life-savoring all of it to the full, not allowing the guilt to rob any part of this joy sent to us.

God in His infinite wisdom has created birth order, the amazing intricacies of the one and only relational God....

And, in my mind and heart, it is no coincidence that the disciple John was both the youngest and called the disciple whom Jesus loved. The one who sat closest to and leaned his head against Jesus during the Last Supper....

You see, even Jesus "babied" the youngest of his very loved and treasured followers....

So, friends, overwhelmingly, brazenly, fully, and shamelessly baby your baby!

Happy 2nd Birthday, Red! The only problem with you my dear one is you make me want more and I wish there were two of you!

PS-Nothing says happy birthday like Daddy squirting whip cream in your mouth while at the beach!