Out of Three Stitches

Well, we had our first trip to the urgent care clinic a little over a week ago, and suprisingly, it wasn't with one of the boys....

Our Miss Mae was playing chase with her energetic cohort, Whitt, after bath time, and slipped on a shark costume busting her little chin on the floor.

I scooped her up, grabbed lovie, and drove to the clinic. By the time we arrived, her tears had turned into a slight frown which turned into a small smile when I told her we could watch "Mary Poppins" on the Ipad, and then, the slight smile turned into elation as her daddy walked through the door.

As we waited, enjoying our girl, I thought this is turning into a pretty great evening, a date night with Mae. Our children quite often get "alone" time with both Michael and I separately, but rarely get both parents to themselves...especially for the older two who often get lumped together like twins.

After a pretty pleasant hour and a half as well as a pack to numb Mae's wound, it came time for the three stiches, and I watched my girl's animal instincts kick in full force when she spotted the needle and thread. She literally climbed and scaled her daddy desperately yelling "Please NO!!!" and "I want my mommy to hold me. Take me home!!!"

After five minutes, the nurse gave us the options of either giving her anxiety medicine or bind her arms and body in a sheet. Feeling conflicted, we chose the latter trusting He would provide us with what we needed....along with the nurse's promise that it would only take a few minutes.

They wrapped her and laid her down allowing me to be the one to hold her head still, and in some small way, I felt like I was laying my own Isaac down. I leaned down over her, my eyes hovering directly over hers, and I began to sing her favorite hymns. My mom and I have often lovingly laughed listening to Mae hum along to old hymns like a little old lady in the back of the car, and as she heard those familiar songs, she relaxed with a look of trust and sweet acceptance (even under the strain of my glass-breaking voice).

And, then I felt...Immanuel was not just with us, around us, beside us, but also flowing through us. As I peered into my girl's deep brown eyes and she into mine, our spirits were perfectly aligned with a purity not of our own naturally bent hearts, but a purity only the heart of Christ can bring.

After a few minutes had passed, Mae looked over at the nurse, and I found myself ferociously jealous, just a small glimpse of what His jealousy must be when we take our eyes of Him even if just for a second.

They had finished and unwrapped the cloth around her and as she sat up, I knew He had resurrected and shined truth and life in an area of our relationship, softly taking it to even deeper depths....a place I didn't know was missing...and for once, I didn't feel the need to explore the reasons why in "self-awareness"....a place where my own mind can trap me at times...my heart just accepted His gift in gratitude.

I often think about God's timing...but that night I experienced a new aspect of it...His ability to transform a situation instantly...and, I also know He had that night planned for Michael, Mae, and I long before any of us were born....I went from holding back tears of pain for my girl to feeling tears of joy for the fullness and blessing of the moment and a greater glimpse into Jehovah Rapha ...bearing a new gift of love.

Since that night, she has clung to me a little harder, stopped to linger just a moment longer....always on her terms, with me always loving every minute of it.

So to my girl, my child who is the hardest for me to understand, who quietly and beautifully challenges me, and who I LOVE deeply to my core, I want you to be able to read this later in life when the unfortunate pain of this world has tempted you to close off pieces of your heart and I want you to stop and look at the small scar on your chin remembering the gift we were given out of the pain, the more wholistic view we received of our King, and more importantly remembering His overflowing and pursuing love of YOU......and love, my dear one, with the same courageous open heart you were given that night.

"He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds." Psalm 147:3

"He who believes in me, as the Scripture has said, 'From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water'." John 7:38

Yes, more on teeth!

"There is one who speaks rashly, like the thrust of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." Proverbs 12:18

I recently heard someone speak on this proverb in reference to anger...saying our outbursts of anger, the words we unleash, are like a bomb that explodes. We move through the bomb, but we leave shrapnel everywhere in those around us.

Well, a bomb exploded this past Tuesday...and, it was in my mouth..

After letting Mae choose when she would complete her homework, she decided to go ahead and work on it as I was fixing dinner while in her purple princess dress and highskills (her adorable word for highheels)....not because she was eager to do it (I feel certain she wanted to continue dress-up), but because she wanted to be able to go to a birthday party the next day after school......which is why after I read her the directions she flung herself to the floor in an Oscar-winning dramatic performance/ meltdown saying "I CANNOT DO IT!! I DON'T KNOW HOW!"...And, then it was my turn to explode...As I turned to put my cooking spoon down and "attempt" to help my girl, I clenched my teeth, trying to keep myself under control, and the explosion literally happened in my mouth...as I clenched, I felt a little shard of my tooth chip off...yes, tooth shrapnel from my explosion of frustration in my mouth....

Go back three weeks, Mae's second day of school...Michael accidently dropped Mae off at the wrong entrance to her building (long story, but she told him to drop her there). That night over dinner he asked her how she found her way to the classroom, she replied with, "when I don't know where I am going, I just sit down until I know which way I need to go." At that moment, my mouth dropped, and as I have often done before with Mae, I thought how profound this little gift of ours can be...without thinking twice, she spoke spiritual truth to each of us at that table...simply and sweetly, the reminder... When we don't know which way to go, we need to sit and wait in Him, praising Him for being the Way, until we hear His path for us.

You see that is why there is a small chip in my tooth...I was trying to do it alone...Mae's "I DON'T KNOW HOW" reflected my own I-don't-know-how of that moment, that reflection frankly made me angry; I just saw my insufficiencies, not my abundunt sufficiencies in Christ... I was leaning on my own cripling capabilites leaving me frustrated...

But, as I prayed later and listened to the Kingdom voice of my Father, I heard, "when I don't know where I am going, I just sit down until I know which way I need to go." Instead of our two frustrated spirits bumping up against one another (Mae's rather loudly; mine bottled up, but just as forceful and wounding), I was to invite Him to be with us using the love language of the One who had already spoken to her in the hallways of school...I was to sit down on the floor next to my Mae, and softly say I hear you, I understand you, I am with you, let's figure out which way to go...

His Kingdom voice is authoritative, an authority that is freeing for us...just as we tell our children not to touch a hot stove, so their finger won't get burnt and they have full use of their hand; our Father asks us to listen to his voice so that we to can reach our utmost, not cripled by our own weaknesses.

And, as we grow in this recognition of His voice, Matthew 11:30 begins to lovingly make sense... "For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Life as a Christ-follower will most certainly have suffering, but the understanding of our Father's voice and the power of Jesus' name bring clarity and peace.

So, I rejoice in thanksgiving over the chip in my tooth because although you might not be able to see it I can feel it every time I gently run my toungue across my teeth, and I am reminded of the Giver of Life who transforms my gaps making me whole, my desperate need of childlike faith, my need for learning, understanding, and trusting my Father's voice, and the loving authority of the One who made me for His glory....the beautiful art and privilege of losing myself for His praise.

And, I know this picture has nothing to do with this story, but man, those kids are cute!