The TURN

Michael and I strolled along basking in the sun cutting through the winter chill, that moment where the gust of wind brushes your cheeks giving you the taste, feel, and smell of winter while the sunshine provides just enough warmth to keep you outdoors, these opposites that usher in the wonder of nature awakening the fullness to the senses. As we walked, we watched as Bird and Blue-eyes bounded ahead, laughter tumbling over excitement, on a hunt for pinecones while we listened to the steady plodding of Red behind us deeply proclaiming, "BIG, BROWN TRUCK! BIG BROWN TRUCK! BIG BROWN TRUCK!" I watched a slight grin form on the corner of Michael's mouth as he listened to the sound and heart rhythms of our youngest...this stoic of ours....this one not easily won over...this one with a quiet, strong will....Red was on a methodical hunt for the BIG BROWN GARBAGE TRUCK he had spotted at the end of the street. Perserverance being Red's strong suit, he was not easily deterred from his mission, but just as his hunt was coming to a close the truck pulled off without a second glance or concern for Red. His rhythm was broken; he hung his head in despair as, "I AM SOOO SAD," spilled out in Eor-esque fashion. In elation over this breakthrough moment of maturity for our self-reliant two year old, I turned to him praising his understanding and sharing of his heart. His response, "No! This is NOT good. I feel like crying." I solemnly calmed myself asking him if a kiss and hug would make him feel better, which indeed did; then watched as he ran to the arms of his daddy.

Then, the Lord gave me a moment of Selah...this something "to hang upon"

I felt exuberant elation over my son sharing his heart with me. What must be the Father's measure of elation when we muster up enough courage to humble ourselves confessing and sharing our emotions with Him? The I AM knows every thought in our heads and every emotion in our heart before we even understand them, but His delight, His pleasure all hinges on our turn towards Him. This God who loves us beyond all measure, who never looks at us in indifference, and who allows us to bring our garbage truck of fallen emotions to Him in exchange for His purity, His strength, and His passion......WHAT MUST HIS ELATION BE when we come to Him renouncing our emotional "rights," clothing ourselves with humility to receive His robes of righteousness....this is His pleasure...this is His delight...

We come with, "I am sad." His reply, "I hear you. Let me give you joy."

We come with, "I am tired." His reply, "I hear you. I will give you rest."

We come with, "I doubt." His reply, "I know. I have authored and will perfect your faith."

We come with, "I hurt." His reply, "I understand. I will give you comfort."

We come with, "I hate." His reply, "I know. I will give you my love for others."

We come with, "I am confused." His reply, "Let me give you Truth and vision."

We come with, "I am numb." His reply, "Dear one, let me heal you, let me restore you. Let me give you Life."

This marks the beginning of abiding....answering His call to come as you are without delay....the complete sharing of self with the I AM....this communion that brings the clarity of Truth and Grace redirecting our course from the heavy, unrelenting garbage truck of our fallen emotions to the straight path marked out for us as we thankfully run with joy-filled perseverance to eternity in the arms of our Father....

It is all in the turn, this place where we receive our blessings...Let us simply, miraculously, and thankfully ABIDE in the one who resets the compass of our hearts to the WAY, shining TRUTH into our emotions, and filling us with His LIGHT....

"From the FULLNESS of His grace, we have all received one BLESSING after another." John 1:16

The Tie that Binds

Our little bird sat perched on the dining table discussing party plans with her namesake in a fit of giggles, one turning six, the other ninety. Amongst cake flavors, balloon colors, themes, and talk of tea rested the rich undercurrent of Life, the steady undulating waves of love washing over my soul, the seemingly unspoken in the spoken, the unseen in the seen, the Scarlet Thread, the tie that binds. Almost six years ago, our beautiful bird arrived six weeks early, truly a case of the early bird catching the worm. In so many ways, I was a self-centered worm, and she caught my heart immediately. I had never known such earthly love and pain all comingled in a single moment as my baby girl left my body, then my arms to be whisked to the NICU. In that same moment, He lovingly started His work of loosening jagged knots of my heart I knew not were there. Places I had tied up with my own tape of control, bandages of self, and staples of guilt. Those places I dare not go for the fear of unraveling or worse becoming completely undone, yet for the health of my baby bird, I let the Knitter of souls go about His work. Over the past six years, He has untied alot of knots, and gracefully woven His Scarlet thread in their place. In an act of mercy, my God has cared more about my sanctification than my "emotional comfort" replacing it with abiding joy and passion. Refinement truly is a form of God's love giving us a clearer picture of Jesus, the Scarlet thread running through all of life. To be a christian is to live amongst miracles; joy in sanctification, peace during refinement, it seems unfathomable, but it is Truth. The miracle within the miracle is that we not only receive the only joy that remains, but also little bursts of sheer rapture within that joy...these brief moments where we see some of the whys behind His plans, the intricacy of His providence, the care in His details. Over the years He has lovingly revealed to us several reasons for Mae's arrival, each one ushering in a new praise and thanksgiving as well as a realization that His refinement is a magnifying glass for our small, diminutive dreams making them larger, deeper, richer giving us the true desire of our heart; the dreams and desires from long ago. His work continues in me, but I now long to become undone by Him to feel more of His love and see more of His dream. As my little bird sat perched, my Father sent His dove with yet another gift tied in a red ribbon....Mae was early. Now she and her namesake have birthdays just a month apart. They can plan their parties in a fit of giggles celebrating the Life given to us, another miracle within the miracle and another strand strengthening their soul tie in The Scarlet thread running through their hearts and mine. Early in my limited spectrum of time, and just as planned in the perfect time of the Alpha and Omega, this Father who loves to give gifts tied up with a red ribbon. "For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O Lord, from my youth. Upon you I have leaned from before my birth; you are he who took me from my mother's womb. My praise is continually to you." Psalm 71:5-6

Silly Santa!

I apologize ahead of time to my mother-in-law and sister-in-laws, but this is just to good to not spread some cheer.... Christmas morning I had strategically placed a gift card and revealing "nightie" in Michael's stocking handing it to him when our little ones weren't in the room, but of course, all three (in perfect timing) arrived on the scene just as Michael was pulling out the lacey treasure....after a slightly ackward glance/ teasing smile between us and a momentary pause then back to toys from the kiddos, we thought all was forgotten... Then, yesterday Mae was playing with two of her friends at our house when I overheard her saying in an eruption of giggles, "Santa put girl's clothes in Daddy's stocking. Silly Santa...we need to write him a note and tell him about his mistake!" Here's hoping this starts your New Year with a little extra jolly!