"Indeed, when we understand the true nature of His love for us, we will prefer to come to Him poor and helpless. We will never be ashamed of our distress. Distress is to our advantage when we have nothing to seek but mercy. We can be glad of our helplessness when we really believe that His power is made perfect in our infirmity." Thomas Merton's Thoughts in Solitude
"Come let us return to the Lord; for He has torn us, that He may heal us; He has struck us down, and He will bind us up...let us press on to know the Lord; His going out is sure as the dawn; He will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth." Hosea 6:1,3
Red curls is a puddle of sorrow and anger at my feet. His words cut deeply into his brother's heart. Rebuked by his father that he might remember to honor.
Loving in grace always requires guarding the Truth in our hearts and others.
Behind closed doors, the bathroom had been the fighting arena; the filth of his words abusing another, "STUPID! STUPID! You are STUPID! STUPID-HEAD."
His father hears it all. Red curls has been caught with his pants down. His father proves jealous over guarding both son's heart.
Stripped of a love-coping, the anger of his loss has taken over any memory to cover. He races over, flinging himself at my feet. A mass of Red curls beautifully bare, naked as the day I first met him. He is taken back to the beginning.
"No creature is hidden from His sight, all are naked and exposed..." Hebrews 4:13
He never acknowledges, never looks at my eyes. Humiliation still lingers in his desperation. The pride of life is a layered mistress.
His sorrow becomes my joy for opportunity arises to cast off the chains of self-love for the Truth bond of Love's mercy.
Hesed transforms from the esteeming of self to expected confidence in the work and character of our God.
But, I must wait for my boy is stuck. Stuck in the middle ground. Anger consumes. Anger over circumstance, anger over his rebuke, anger with his father, and finally truth-pointing...anger with himself. His desperation calls for presence, but his humiliation will not allow Love's healing touch.
To often I have settled for the middle ground. The foolishness of my pride refusing His healing touch; the fear of my heart doubting His goodness.
The middle ground where I need, but cannot bare.
The middle ground where I resist, but desire.
The middle ground where I fear being undone, but long to be rid of 'me.'
The middle-ground is a most dangerous place to be; it is a mirage in the wastelands for Christ stands in the middle that we may never have to.
I slowly trace circles on Red curls back inviting him into the divine healing dance. He cringes, but remains. The letting go has begun. He slowly moves closer inch by inch until his head rests on my lap. I lift and cover as his father and I draw him in. Wholeness of relationship deepened and restored.
Time and time again, He lovingly rubs away the patterns of self in my life. He patiently waits as I inch closer and closer. He lifts with garments and covers with robes that I may feel the fullness of His embrace.
His love is radical, and His promises are true. His jealousy and mercy are the working agents of His Holiness in me. One magnifies the other, and sometimes the Light of His love is so great that I feel like an ant under a magnifying glass. It is in those moments that His grace both rains down and reigns over me.
He is a King of two touches. He subdues hearts by saving, and rules by healing. We must live dangerously that our hearts may recognize the fullness of our safety in Him.
"Without holiness, no one will see the Lord." Hebrews 12:14
'Here I am.' The Word in us He longs to hear.
Taking all of me...His Hesed.
"We must hide our unholiness in the wounds of Christ as Moses hid himself in the cleft of the rock while the glory of God passed by. We must take refuge from God in God. Above all we must believe that God sees us as perfect in His Son while He disciplines and chastens and purges us that we may be partakers of His holiness. A. W. Tozer's Knowledge of the Holy
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