Big Boys Do Cry...

"So much is distilled in our tears, not the least of which is wisdom in living life. From my own tears I have learned that if you follow your tears, you will find your heart. If you find your heart, you will find what is dear to God. And if you find what is dear to God, you will find the answer to how you should live your life." Ken Gire's Windows of the Soul

"You have kept count of my tossings;
put my tears in your bottle.
Are they not in your book?" Psalm 56:8

It's a five-fire alarm as a steady stream of tears stings Blue-eyes cheeks; the siren of his voice blaring into my inner sanctuary. Head and heart throbbing; the walls of my inner 'peace' come crumbling down.

I feel as if I cannot bare the ear-piercing noise once again, but Truth reminds that it is my fear of helplessness leaving me defeated. The narcissism of my failure and the insecurities of being blind-sided with a torrent of emotion constrict Love's care.
Blue-eyes is hurt; I did not protect.
There is seemingly 'nothing' I can do except step in his storm calling to the One who quiets.
My cry of defeat, this nothing, releases the Power of everything to the hurt of Blue-eyes and the pity of me.

My boy lives; my boy loves; my boy spills.
Big Boys do cry...

I get lower and gather.
Tears magnify the beauty of bright Blue-eyes.
He takes my breath away as Breath of Life enters.
Crystal clear Blue-eyes entering a sea of cloudiness.
In a world controlled by science and logic, these eyes declare the fabric of Life.
His eyes bare his soul, reflecting the clarity and willingness with which this boy feels.

My boy lives; my boy loves; my boy spills.
Big Boys do cry...

His tears wet my feet washing me clean.
In the beginning, the springs from within rose up watering the land.
Somewhere I lost my way, and the purity of my tears ceased.
I forgot. I forgot.
I forgot that tears hollow out creating more room for the Son.
Dawn always breaks with dew on the grass.
The Son shone through Mary's tears bringing Life to Lazarus,
"Unbind him, and let him go." John 11:44
Over and over my son's tears unbind me; Blue-eyes revives the letting go in me.
Didn't my mama always say, "When you need to cry, let it all out!"
A reflected gift in a sea of many; My heart-eyes made clearer as the water rises.

My boy lives; my boy loves; my boy spills.
Big Boys do cry...

Through the lens of a camera, Blue-eyes ages to thirteen.
I have reawakened to fear, a future of hormonal confusion and a period of wall-building.
'In mercy, keep the wellspring open, Father. The water that flowed from Jesus' side must have been your tears. In your grace, give him tears, Father, that he might soak in the Son.'

Self-control is never in the not crying, but rather in allowing those tears to lead to the Father's heart.

Christ lives; Christ loves; Christ spilled...
Big Boys do cry...

"I have heard your prayer; I have seen your tears. Behold I will heal you." 2 Kings 20:5

"What he saw surprised him as much as anything in his whole life. For the tawny face was bent down near his own and (wonder of wonders) great shining tears stood in the Lion's eyes. They were such a big, bright tears compared with Digory's own that for a moment he felt as if the Lion must really be sorrier about his Mother than he was himself." C.S. Lewis' The Magician's Nephew

Blue-eyes, you are the bravest of boys. Truth warriors know that tears take you to the King's front lines. Thank you for recalling my tears...