Well worth the wait....

A little over a year ago, I had just completed five long weeks of being in the bed/ sofa/ chaise lounge making sure our precious baby boy stayed safely inside his home (ie: me) long enough. When the process first started unfolding and I was on moderate bedrest, I prayed continually for God to bring me peace, to take away my my constant worries and fears. I felt pulled in so many directions. On one hand, I wanted to and needed to do whatever it took to keep our unborn baby safe, but I also wanted to continue to be the mother I had been to Mae and Whitt. I remember looking at my mom during a meltdown, tears streaming down my face saying, "If I can't continue to take care of and be with Mae and Whitt, I just want this baby to go ahead and come." (I was only 32 weeks at the time). A couple of days later as I was driving myself home from the doctors office, I unleashed on my heavenly Father, asking Him where he was, yelling that I needed Him. I felt no peace; I couldn't feel Him; I felt abandoned. Then full bedrest came, and as He "knit" our baby boy's innermost being, He was also leading me and teaching me to be a different type of mother. I didn't cease to be Mae and Whitt's mother when my abilities to "move" and "do" were taken away like I feared. He was faithful to me, and strengthened those bonds. I saw Him at work in my man, guiding Michael as he took on the the extra strain of balancing work with a whole new load of responsibilities at home. As we leaned into the love and support that our friends and family showered us with, we saw our God in each of you. He carried my family and I the entire time (even when I acted like a petulant child shaking my fists at Him). And, one year ago today He delivered sweet Bruce into our hands. On that day as I looked at our new baby boy, I was overwhelmed by God's extravagant grace for us, His astonding provision. Earlier in the pregnancy when we found out we were having another boy, I wondered if I was going to be able to love this second boy as much as my first. I was never concerned with the first two, one was a girl and one was a boy. I knew the relationships would each be unique, but another boy. It didn't seem possible. Looking back now, I know how ridiculous that fear is. Somehow miraculously, your heart just grows to accomodate all that love. I don't know how, but it just does. And, let me tell you, this child of ours is ADDICTIVE!!! I look at him and I see complete perfection. He is joy and sweetness, everything that is good (and, with red-hair to boot). I am humbled to the point of tears when I think that God chose me to be his mother. Happy Birthday, beautiful, beautiful boy!!! What a wonderful year you have given us!