Postcards from the Edge

I have felt an increased "edginess" this past week. Over the past few years, I have come to realize that when this feeling starts creeping into my soul God is trying to teach me, mold me, and expand my heart. He was using a certain situation in my life recently to spew out the "vinegar" that was sitting in me so that more of the Spirit's annointed "oil"/love could fill me up (ok, I am a visual learner). It was a stronghold I thought I had defeated and was keeping in check. I described my "edginess" as being brought to the brink of former sin by way of temptation and the emotional uneasiness that results from that temptation. I had "labelled" it, I had journaled about it, I had dissected it, I had prayed to see my sin more clearly, I had meditated on scripture, on and on and on.

Then, this morning as I asked Mae and Whitt to come brush their teeth for the fifth time (feeling like I was in the movie Groundhog Day) I was quick to remind them that I should only have to ask once, and as the words slipped out of my mouth, God whispered to my heart I remind you all the time, I never get tired or frustrated and I never stop, come to me.

You see really what I thought was being taken to the "edge" of an old sin pattern was my recurring sin cropping up again (thanks to a friend who lovingly made this apparent to me), and as I was getting caught up in all the "I"s of being self-aware, trying to dig so deep, essentially trying to be my own healer, I was missing the sweet simplicity of God's grace. As my mind spiraled out of control going back to the situation over and over again, Jesus was moving further and further from my focus to my peripheral vision. Simply, I wasn't taking my sin to the cross, laying it down, letting Jesus do his beautiful work of intercession, and this morning when I did the "edginess" very gratefully disappeared.

It amazes me how that crushing weight on your soul and that separation affects you both emotionally and physically. The past few days I have been more tired and weary than I have been in a long time, and to make His victory this morning that much sweeter, I was given the opportunity to take a nice long run in the bright sunshine. I praise Him that I am not the person I was yesterday, and I praise Him that I am not the person today that I will be tomorrow. I praise Him that for the moment this time has passed, and I praise Him that it will most certainly come again as He continues what he started. I praise Him for the people in my life who love me through my "edginess." With hope in my heart, I am very thankful to be His work in progress.

****"If we claim that we're free of sin, we're only fooling ourselves. A claim like that is errant nonsence. On the other hand, if we admit our sins-make a clean breast of them-he won't let us down; he'll be true to himself" 1 John 1:8, The Message ****"My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality. It's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it." 1 John 3:18, 19, The Message Ok, a little sidenote: as I was typing this, I hit something accidently that made the font for "the sweet simplicity of God's grace" different from the rest of the words, and I couldn't figure out how to correct it. You think God's trying to make a point to me, he is even using highlighting!?!

0.01%

Love these people! I think it says alot that after seven full days together I still could have used more time with them (hopefully the feeling was mutual). Notice: I am in a daydreaming Ginger Lemongrass Margarita haze which is why I am the ONLY one not looking at the camera. Yes, I said Ginger Lemongrass Margarita. It even had a little piece of candied ginger on a stick in it-AMAZING!

Love me some Maui!

I got a quick soulful look, then

back to a hundred miles per hour!

View from the pool to the beach, not to shabby!

Sweet little back and fingertips

At the top of the volcano, Michael put this picture on facebook with 10,063 feet above sea level underneath. He totally made it look like I had hiked up the side of this sucker. The reality is we drove the sixteen miles up the side, and hiked the last thirty feet. I got a good man, always trying to make me look impressive.

Sunsets like this every night, and just to make my running friends jealous, there was a beautiful three mile beach front run in front of all the hotels. It undulated over all the little cliffs and looked out over the ocean. It was amazing at sunrise! I am kind of schizophrenic when it comes to the music I listen to while running, everything from rap (I even have an Eminem song on there), to country like Wagon Wheel, to bluegrass, to 80's, to Rock, and of course, my praise music. Right now, I am really into Matt Maher's song, "Come Awake," and I can't imagine a more perfect way to listen to it than running along the ocean at sunrise during the beginning of lenten season.

"Wake up, O sleeper,

rise from the dead,

and Christ will shine on you."

Ephesions 5:14

Oh, and just to rub the salt in the wound a little more. It was whale season, and you could catch a glimpse of them every so often.

B, in only the way B can, OWNED the baby pool!

Mae taking photography lessons from Grandaddy.

Doesn't this picture look a little bit like the Housewives of Orange Beach, with the fountain in the background and the wind blowing our hair!?!

There is no way a blog or photos could capture how incredible, amazing, awesome, beautiful, stupendous, outrageous, lovely, happy, peaceful, and energetic this trip was. I was only able to capture about 0.01% of how special it was to me in this little entry.

Thank you GaGa and Grandaddy for making it all possible and more importantly for just being exactly who you are. You mean the world to us, Happy 60th!

Just when you think you have it all together......

You get sent a little comic relief to remind you that you can't do one little thing without Him! Tuesday night, I had the house all picked up, a nice gardenia candle burning to fill the whole house (really to cover the dog smell), the kids bathed, laundry folded, dinner made, I had actually showered before 8:00 pm, and to top it all off I had make-up on! I thought I had created a little Norman Rockwell moment for Michael when he arrived home. I didn't think much about little Red running back and forth to our bedroom with a mischevious and delighted look on his face as I was bringing dinner to the table. Yes, I am a mother of three and definitely should know by now that when you see that look you investigate, but you see I was caught up in "creating" or should I say manufactoring a moment. Evidently, as the water was draining out of the tub, B was frantically trying to find anything he could get his hands on to throw overboard to take a plunge-pretty fun game for a twenty month old! As I thought about how even though I have never told him not to throw things into the tub, you could tell by his face that he knew he was disobeying, and that is exactly what made it so fun! I realized how similar are hearts really are, he and I. You see just saturday night I told Michael over dinner that it is by the grace of God that our children are alive at the end of each day. Then Sunday night, a friend and I talked about the same thing. There are so many moments something could happen; the fragility of our time here. I was recognizing then how "hands-on" God is with us every single moment of every day, but by Tuesday night, I was puffing myself up on my own pride. How easily, both B and I turn to the sin in our hearts, the only difference is he is twenty months, I am almost thirty-two; he is super cute and can be downright funny when he sins, me not so much. So, the story ends with Michael walking back to our bathroom to change. Then asking me what exactly happened at bath time grinning like the Chesire cat from ear to ear. Me confidently saying, "What are you talking about?" His response as he barely stifles laughter, "Come back here. I have to see the look on your face when you see this!" Me coming around the corner to find the above little surprise, then both of us laughing so hard our sides hurt. It is always nice when God decides to teach you a lesson and give you laughter all at the same time. And, yes that is a broom you see in there. Maybe, the house wasn't as tidy as I thought.

They love him, but....

The only downside from our trip to Maui was that somewhere during our flight to the island Bruce went from a complete Momma's boy to only wanting Daddy. I cannot believe how quickly this change happened; it was like someone just flipped a switch. My baby went from being my human barnacle to looking at me saying, "NO, DADDY!!!!!" while shaking his head back and forth in the no gesture just for extra emphasis. Sure, I am great for wiping hands, face, and bottom, but anything fun has to be with Daddy. And, as much as I love watching our kids look up and adore their daddy, I must admit that this "daddy conversion" has a double-edged sword effect on me. Although I have experienced it twice before, my heart and ego took a little larger blow this time since Bruce is the last baby and it happened so fast, no time to prepare myself.

So, I now have three little ones who are completely under the daddy spell. Whitt tells me at least a thousand trillion times (his words) a day that he misses daddy whenever Michael is away for work or play, and when Michael was away on business this week and texted a picture to my phone for the kids, I actually watched as Mae kissed the screen of my phone and said, "I love you, Daddy!" (yes, my heart did melt)

And, here's the kicker, this little spell is just going to get stronger and stronger the more years they spend with him-I know from experience. Yes, there is no doubt about it, they love him, but I really, really LOVE him!!!

Happy Birthday, love!

SHARKS, again!!!

Proud to say, my second little guy loves sharks just like his big brother and momma...Shark week is going to be three times the fun this July. And, I know there is a very proud Dupree out there as well!

Go BIG or Go Home....

seems to be Whitt's life motto.

Our beautiful blue-eyed boy turned four yesterday, and ever since day one in utero, this little man of ours has been full of surprises for us. His imagination seems limitless these days. He does everything full on, and all that enthusiasim and energy which challenges me as a parent at times is also the quality that I absolutely adore most in him. He loves others bodly with an open heart and without expectations, and to be honest, most days I pray that I see the sin in my own heart more clearly so that I can love like that. He has started to learn how to focus his energy without stifling the natural joy that seems to spring out of his every pore, and I am loving watching this growth in him. He never ceases to shock and also amaze me!

How thankful Michael and I are that God has much bigger plans than our simple minds do, and as Michael said yesterday, Happy Birthday to the best surprise of our lives!

PS-Imagination at work even in cake making...he requested a monster truck/ hot wheels cake with a track, tunnel, and a firepit! I did my best to accomodate, but cake decorating is clearly not a gift of mine. At least, he thought it was "cool," and really that is all that matters!

Sparkle and Shine...

So we got back from Maui on Saturday (more to come later on that, I promise! I haven't quite figured out how to squeeze all of the fun/ memories of it into one blog, and don't have much time right now).

And, while we were there Aunt Lauren got engaged to (as Whitt calls him) Awesome Austin!!!

To be completely honest, I wasn't sure if there was ever going to be a guy that could hold a candle to Katie's husband David (Michael's other sister). I mean my in-laws told me when Katie and David first got together at the end of college that they knew David was the perfect match for Katie all the way back in kindergarten when they first started school. They were elated when the two finally became an official item, and rightly so, David is one of those laidback guys who is easy to be with and he just so happens to be an uber-athlete (we are talking ran a marathon in three hours that had six elevation changes-crazy!). Those are some serious shoes to fill, right!?!

But, then Austin came along, and what is there not to love about this guy! He has a boxer dog named Jackson with a nub of a tail that our kids constantly chase (They chase the nub which happens to be attached to Jackson. Not sure why, but they are infatuated with the nub); he spent an hour and a half making a racing track out of sand on the beach for Whitt's cars, complete with giant tunnel and car wash; he is kind, thoughtful, hard-working, generous and all those other qualities that make up a really great guy; he is head over heels crazy for Lauren; but what I love most about him is that he makes Michael's baby sister who I feel like and claim as my own baby sister SHINE! She is truly her full beautiful self with him.

Congrats, again!

We love you, Katie, David, Lauren and Austin! miss you already!