The Dare

"When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dream. Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our toungue with shouts of joy.... Restore our fortunes, O Lord. like streams in the Negeb! Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him." Psalm 126

I feel the heat rise in my cheeks, the burning sensation in a failed attempt to hold back tears... the refreshing sting as the floodgates open....a place where fire and water meet drawing beauty from one another...tears of joy....a moment when pain and blessing naturally flow from the same fount....when the self-protecting walls in our heart of stone are destroyed and His Beauty, the purity of His love, emerges from its ashes...the sanctification of loving bodly, moving towards another counting it all as loss to honor our King...

This is the Dare...to love as He loves

the fiery pain of it searing our flesh as the living water flows into our heart....the severing of our thick heart callouses and the forging of iron sharpening iron soul ties...did isaiah not feel the sweet comingling of pain and joy when the seraph touched the live coal to his lips...yes, there is freedom in the relinquishing of our "rights" as we love in the Way, as we love by His power...

This is the Dare...

His Way is the only way to really love...it is our sanctification, our metamorphosis, as we reach Him by reaching out to the so-called "unlovable"...and, isn't it in the reach we often discover that we indeed are the true "unlovable" in desperate need of His Life-giving grace....this reach that uncovers our treasure, richer communion with Him, through the deepening of earthly relationships...

This is the Dare...

I watch as soul-seaching blue-eyes walks towards me, tears brimming, choked words spilling out....his stuffed tiger maimed by the dog...I listen to Bird softly sing comforting Truth to him, "You can still love it, Whitt. It won't look the same or be the same, but you can still love it. Mommy, will sew it back together with blue thread, your favorite color. You will love it even more."

this world is messy, this world chews-up and spits back out over and over again, and in the midst He gives us grace blessings, the privilege to show His Scarlet thread through kindness and humility while watching Him knit souls back together....yes, we can still love for His was the Victory

This is the Dare...

I sit in a room listening to dear friends, these women who wave His love-banner over me, these women who dare....there is grief, there is suffering, there are tears, and amongst it, there is the overwhelming resonance of laughter, the different notes rooted in holy joy all coming together to create the sweet symphony of fellowship all for the Father's glory...the laughter, this is what I remember; all else falls away...this is the redeeming power of the cross...His work...Jesus...

This is the Dare...

Let us dare to live fully in relationship, resisting the numbness. Let us receive our grace blessings through the shower of our tears, accepting the momentary pain for more knowledge and insight in the depth of His love.....the tears washing away the stoney self, leaving a reflective pool for His light to shine forth creating a rainbow of laughter arching over the weight of this world....our Hope in Him

"I will cause the shower to come down in his season; there shall be showers of blessings." Ezekial 34:26

Praise His Name! Here comes the flood...

Praise Him by loving and count all else as loss...

Flying in His Dreams

"C.S. Lewis's mind was above all characterized by a willingness to be enchanted, and it was this openess to enchantment that held together the various strands of his life-his delight in laughter, his willingness to accept a world made by a good and loving God, and (in some ways above all) his willingness to submit to the charms of a wonderful story." Alan Jacobs, author of The Narnian


Mae had an assignment to draw four ways God demonstrates His love for her. Her four boxes contained pictures of me, baby Jesus, flowers, and then very uniquely a picture of herself "daydreaming." Six years ago, on a saturday just like today with flakes of snow, Mae entered this world, and her journey of daydreaming began. As she was whisked from my arms, He was whispering to her heart, shielding her and holding her dreams in the midst of a noisy, chaotic, and fear-filled entrance. He was blessing her through His story for her, thankfully not granting mine which was far to limited for this girl of ours. He alone knows the complete uniqueness of her heart, soul, and mind for He fashioned them; I, as her mother, am allowed the privilege to walk alongside her, watching her discover who He made her to be, instilling the Truth in her life, pointing out the details of the Master's loving hand in His story for her as it unfolds while fighting the temptation to keep her on my "protected" plan.

My dear girl, I have watched Him grow your mind over the past year as you have learned to read with an increased love of science, learning, and passion for seeking knowledge. I love watching these skills emerge and expand as well as His gifts of your soul, this quiet surety budding into a sense of His righteousenss and a call for justice.

Remember, my love, that we seek knowledge to love more like Him, not for our pride; we seek knowledge in humility of the Great I Am for the sweetness of our journey and full glorification of His gifts in us.

Always remember He loves you in the "flowers." Use your mind to explore the intricacies, the order, the marvel of His creation. Use your heart to see the stories He longs to tell you of Himself through nature. Eagerly accept the privilege given by Him to cultivate His earth with respect and honor. Wrestle with the hard questions about this world using your soul to understand His authority on deeper levels, resting in the knowledge that this is your Father's world.

Always remember His gift of family, the body of Christ, our true family. Using your mind to see the diversity necessary to truly reflect our God, your soul to challenge the unjust walls of this world, and your heart to laugh even in the midst of tears, for laughter is love bubbling over, laughter is a stepping stone to unity.

Always remember the power of the blood of Christ. He made himself completely vulnerable to wash you whiter than the snow on the day of your birth, so when the wounds of this world tempt you to close off parts of your heart, use your mind to seek the Truth in His Word, your soul to recognize that you are made in the image of the Most High, a daughter of the King, and your heart to receive the oil of gladness, this love the Spirit longs to pour over you. This wellspring of the heart, that never runs dry, is the one true source of love.

Remember you must first RECEIVE, then you STRIVE out of gratitude found in His mercy; you never strive, then receive. There is NO EARNING; it is ALL HIS GRACE.

Above all, continue to daydream, my love.......continually daydream of eternity until you reach it....for He has made your heart, soul, and mind to long for these things....may your imagination stand firm in Him, not to be derailed by earthly understandings.....fully submit to His story for you with wonder allowing your life to sparkle with His holy joy smiling at the future before you.

"Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future." Proverbs 31:25

Happy Sixth Birthday, Bird! Much flying He has for you...

The TURN

Michael and I strolled along basking in the sun cutting through the winter chill, that moment where the gust of wind brushes your cheeks giving you the taste, feel, and smell of winter while the sunshine provides just enough warmth to keep you outdoors, these opposites that usher in the wonder of nature awakening the fullness to the senses. As we walked, we watched as Bird and Blue-eyes bounded ahead, laughter tumbling over excitement, on a hunt for pinecones while we listened to the steady plodding of Red behind us deeply proclaiming, "BIG, BROWN TRUCK! BIG BROWN TRUCK! BIG BROWN TRUCK!" I watched a slight grin form on the corner of Michael's mouth as he listened to the sound and heart rhythms of our youngest...this stoic of ours....this one not easily won over...this one with a quiet, strong will....Red was on a methodical hunt for the BIG BROWN GARBAGE TRUCK he had spotted at the end of the street. Perserverance being Red's strong suit, he was not easily deterred from his mission, but just as his hunt was coming to a close the truck pulled off without a second glance or concern for Red. His rhythm was broken; he hung his head in despair as, "I AM SOOO SAD," spilled out in Eor-esque fashion. In elation over this breakthrough moment of maturity for our self-reliant two year old, I turned to him praising his understanding and sharing of his heart. His response, "No! This is NOT good. I feel like crying." I solemnly calmed myself asking him if a kiss and hug would make him feel better, which indeed did; then watched as he ran to the arms of his daddy.

Then, the Lord gave me a moment of Selah...this something "to hang upon"

I felt exuberant elation over my son sharing his heart with me. What must be the Father's measure of elation when we muster up enough courage to humble ourselves confessing and sharing our emotions with Him? The I AM knows every thought in our heads and every emotion in our heart before we even understand them, but His delight, His pleasure all hinges on our turn towards Him. This God who loves us beyond all measure, who never looks at us in indifference, and who allows us to bring our garbage truck of fallen emotions to Him in exchange for His purity, His strength, and His passion......WHAT MUST HIS ELATION BE when we come to Him renouncing our emotional "rights," clothing ourselves with humility to receive His robes of righteousness....this is His pleasure...this is His delight...

We come with, "I am sad." His reply, "I hear you. Let me give you joy."

We come with, "I am tired." His reply, "I hear you. I will give you rest."

We come with, "I doubt." His reply, "I know. I have authored and will perfect your faith."

We come with, "I hurt." His reply, "I understand. I will give you comfort."

We come with, "I hate." His reply, "I know. I will give you my love for others."

We come with, "I am confused." His reply, "Let me give you Truth and vision."

We come with, "I am numb." His reply, "Dear one, let me heal you, let me restore you. Let me give you Life."

This marks the beginning of abiding....answering His call to come as you are without delay....the complete sharing of self with the I AM....this communion that brings the clarity of Truth and Grace redirecting our course from the heavy, unrelenting garbage truck of our fallen emotions to the straight path marked out for us as we thankfully run with joy-filled perseverance to eternity in the arms of our Father....

It is all in the turn, this place where we receive our blessings...Let us simply, miraculously, and thankfully ABIDE in the one who resets the compass of our hearts to the WAY, shining TRUTH into our emotions, and filling us with His LIGHT....

"From the FULLNESS of His grace, we have all received one BLESSING after another." John 1:16

The Tie that Binds

Our little bird sat perched on the dining table discussing party plans with her namesake in a fit of giggles, one turning six, the other ninety. Amongst cake flavors, balloon colors, themes, and talk of tea rested the rich undercurrent of Life, the steady undulating waves of love washing over my soul, the seemingly unspoken in the spoken, the unseen in the seen, the Scarlet Thread, the tie that binds. Almost six years ago, our beautiful bird arrived six weeks early, truly a case of the early bird catching the worm. In so many ways, I was a self-centered worm, and she caught my heart immediately. I had never known such earthly love and pain all comingled in a single moment as my baby girl left my body, then my arms to be whisked to the NICU. In that same moment, He lovingly started His work of loosening jagged knots of my heart I knew not were there. Places I had tied up with my own tape of control, bandages of self, and staples of guilt. Those places I dare not go for the fear of unraveling or worse becoming completely undone, yet for the health of my baby bird, I let the Knitter of souls go about His work. Over the past six years, He has untied alot of knots, and gracefully woven His Scarlet thread in their place. In an act of mercy, my God has cared more about my sanctification than my "emotional comfort" replacing it with abiding joy and passion. Refinement truly is a form of God's love giving us a clearer picture of Jesus, the Scarlet thread running through all of life. To be a christian is to live amongst miracles; joy in sanctification, peace during refinement, it seems unfathomable, but it is Truth. The miracle within the miracle is that we not only receive the only joy that remains, but also little bursts of sheer rapture within that joy...these brief moments where we see some of the whys behind His plans, the intricacy of His providence, the care in His details. Over the years He has lovingly revealed to us several reasons for Mae's arrival, each one ushering in a new praise and thanksgiving as well as a realization that His refinement is a magnifying glass for our small, diminutive dreams making them larger, deeper, richer giving us the true desire of our heart; the dreams and desires from long ago. His work continues in me, but I now long to become undone by Him to feel more of His love and see more of His dream. As my little bird sat perched, my Father sent His dove with yet another gift tied in a red ribbon....Mae was early. Now she and her namesake have birthdays just a month apart. They can plan their parties in a fit of giggles celebrating the Life given to us, another miracle within the miracle and another strand strengthening their soul tie in The Scarlet thread running through their hearts and mine. Early in my limited spectrum of time, and just as planned in the perfect time of the Alpha and Omega, this Father who loves to give gifts tied up with a red ribbon. "For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O Lord, from my youth. Upon you I have leaned from before my birth; you are he who took me from my mother's womb. My praise is continually to you." Psalm 71:5-6

Silly Santa!

I apologize ahead of time to my mother-in-law and sister-in-laws, but this is just to good to not spread some cheer.... Christmas morning I had strategically placed a gift card and revealing "nightie" in Michael's stocking handing it to him when our little ones weren't in the room, but of course, all three (in perfect timing) arrived on the scene just as Michael was pulling out the lacey treasure....after a slightly ackward glance/ teasing smile between us and a momentary pause then back to toys from the kiddos, we thought all was forgotten... Then, yesterday Mae was playing with two of her friends at our house when I overheard her saying in an eruption of giggles, "Santa put girl's clothes in Daddy's stocking. Silly Santa...we need to write him a note and tell him about his mistake!" Here's hoping this starts your New Year with a little extra jolly!

Give me grace

"The only thing left to do is worship Him." A few days before Christmas, I listened to the voice of wisdom pour over me through the lense of another's struggle...a sister in Christ a season ahead who has known suffering in her days yet who has grafted deep roots into the Vine finding overwhelming joy....a sister who chose refinement instead of isolation in the hard face of pain....a sister who allowed her "lot" to shape her into a trumpet sounding His glory...blasts to the Kingdom calling others to the march... As her words washed over me, a momentary fear choked my throat while an eager anticipation caused my skin to tingle....Lord, if I love you this much, there will most certainly be suffering...Lord, give me grace for it....Lord, do I love you as much as I claim to?....only suffering will prove....Lord, give me grace for my failing heart.... In that moment, grace was before me....grace was not just the unmeritted mercy of our loving God by sending His Son....it was a force, living and active in her....it was the peace of humility where raw emotions are rooted in surety....the surety of faith, hope, and love...the free gifts He gives us when we faithfully claim our inheritance as we trust in love that His thoughts are not our thoughts, neither His ways are our ways...a surety that transforms us into an instrument heralding eternity...eternity worshiping Him, and by the grace-filled gift of the Spirit we have glimpses of eternity NOW....yes, through the priviliege of worshiping Him. During advent, He kept calling me back to a favorite picture from the fall. I was running one day listening to praise music when I passed a beautiful tree of gold. As its heavy-laden limbs dipped down and offered its leaves to the earth, it had created a cocoon of gold. I could not wait for all the kids to get home from school, so they could see it....God calling out to us from His creation....a picture of what eternity might look like....the streets of gold in the New Jerusalem....we danced and laughed...time stopped for a moment engraving a memorial on my heart....as my dear three outgrow the "protective" cocoon with me in the toddler years, and I give them over more and more to the path leading to eternity He has paved for them, may He give me the grace as the stretch marks of my heart increase to remember this picture of hope and may these wise words ring true to the ears of my heart...."the only thing left to do is to worship Him"...the only thing left, and the greatest....let us fix our eyes on Jesus in worship as He reassures us the pain of this world will be but a moment for He is the Everlasting....Lord, give me grace....Lord, give me grace "I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done; I ponder the works of your hands. I stretch out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land. Answer me quickly, O Lord! My spirit fails! Hide not your face from me, lest I be like those who go down to the pit. Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I life up my soul. Deliver me from my enemies, O Lord! I have fled to you for refuge! Teach me to do your will, for you are MY God! Let your good Spirit lead me to level ground! For your name's sake, O Lord, preserve my life! In your righteousness bring my soul out of trouble! And in your steadfast love you will cut off my enemies, and, you will destroy all the adversaries of my soul, for I am YOUR servant." Psalm 143

Feasting on our Savior

"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me." Revelation 3:20 "But here is the bread that comes down from heaven, which a man may eat and not die. I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will love forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world." John 6:50 Yesterday, I glanced over to see Bruce slowly and almost solemnly walking into the kitchen carrying our Little People baby Jesus on a small silver plate. My interest was stirred...he then proceeded to tenderly place baby Jesus on the top step of our kitchen stool while he kneeled peacefully on the lower step as if to pray...in the very next second, the flaming red mop whipped around, looked at me, and said as he picked up the baby placing it to his lips, "I eat baby Jesus! YUM, YUM, YUM, YUM!!!!!!"...huge open-mouthed smile on his face. It seems our little buddy has taken the adage "you are what you eat" a little to literally and has a slightly skewed vision of how to "transform" yourself into the image of Christ, but what a sweet and humorous reminder to my heart of our God's overwhelming love for us, His sacrifice for us, and His great joy... "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the JOY set before him endured the cross." Hebrews 12:2 We were the joy set before Him...the rescuing of us...our salvation was His joy...He came making Himself completely vulnerable and dependent as a baby...He suffered, literally pouring Himself out...and, He is still longing to give...all He asks of us is to make ourselves vulnerable, completely dependent on Him, then to feast...so what are you waiting on...we are in the season of great excess...go for it!...feast on the Giver of Life... "Jesus said to him, 'I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day. For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in him." In His mercy and grace, He ruins us for the barren ordinary and places the rich opulence of the extraordinary in our hearts...eternity.