Give me grace

"The only thing left to do is worship Him." A few days before Christmas, I listened to the voice of wisdom pour over me through the lense of another's struggle...a sister in Christ a season ahead who has known suffering in her days yet who has grafted deep roots into the Vine finding overwhelming joy....a sister who chose refinement instead of isolation in the hard face of pain....a sister who allowed her "lot" to shape her into a trumpet sounding His glory...blasts to the Kingdom calling others to the march... As her words washed over me, a momentary fear choked my throat while an eager anticipation caused my skin to tingle....Lord, if I love you this much, there will most certainly be suffering...Lord, give me grace for it....Lord, do I love you as much as I claim to?....only suffering will prove....Lord, give me grace for my failing heart.... In that moment, grace was before me....grace was not just the unmeritted mercy of our loving God by sending His Son....it was a force, living and active in her....it was the peace of humility where raw emotions are rooted in surety....the surety of faith, hope, and love...the free gifts He gives us when we faithfully claim our inheritance as we trust in love that His thoughts are not our thoughts, neither His ways are our ways...a surety that transforms us into an instrument heralding eternity...eternity worshiping Him, and by the grace-filled gift of the Spirit we have glimpses of eternity NOW....yes, through the priviliege of worshiping Him. During advent, He kept calling me back to a favorite picture from the fall. I was running one day listening to praise music when I passed a beautiful tree of gold. As its heavy-laden limbs dipped down and offered its leaves to the earth, it had created a cocoon of gold. I could not wait for all the kids to get home from school, so they could see it....God calling out to us from His creation....a picture of what eternity might look like....the streets of gold in the New Jerusalem....we danced and laughed...time stopped for a moment engraving a memorial on my heart....as my dear three outgrow the "protective" cocoon with me in the toddler years, and I give them over more and more to the path leading to eternity He has paved for them, may He give me the grace as the stretch marks of my heart increase to remember this picture of hope and may these wise words ring true to the ears of my heart...."the only thing left to do is to worship Him"...the only thing left, and the greatest....let us fix our eyes on Jesus in worship as He reassures us the pain of this world will be but a moment for He is the Everlasting....Lord, give me grace....Lord, give me grace "I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done; I ponder the works of your hands. I stretch out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land. Answer me quickly, O Lord! My spirit fails! Hide not your face from me, lest I be like those who go down to the pit. Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I life up my soul. Deliver me from my enemies, O Lord! I have fled to you for refuge! Teach me to do your will, for you are MY God! Let your good Spirit lead me to level ground! For your name's sake, O Lord, preserve my life! In your righteousness bring my soul out of trouble! And in your steadfast love you will cut off my enemies, and, you will destroy all the adversaries of my soul, for I am YOUR servant." Psalm 143

Feasting on our Savior

"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me." Revelation 3:20 "But here is the bread that comes down from heaven, which a man may eat and not die. I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will love forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world." John 6:50 Yesterday, I glanced over to see Bruce slowly and almost solemnly walking into the kitchen carrying our Little People baby Jesus on a small silver plate. My interest was stirred...he then proceeded to tenderly place baby Jesus on the top step of our kitchen stool while he kneeled peacefully on the lower step as if to pray...in the very next second, the flaming red mop whipped around, looked at me, and said as he picked up the baby placing it to his lips, "I eat baby Jesus! YUM, YUM, YUM, YUM!!!!!!"...huge open-mouthed smile on his face. It seems our little buddy has taken the adage "you are what you eat" a little to literally and has a slightly skewed vision of how to "transform" yourself into the image of Christ, but what a sweet and humorous reminder to my heart of our God's overwhelming love for us, His sacrifice for us, and His great joy... "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the JOY set before him endured the cross." Hebrews 12:2 We were the joy set before Him...the rescuing of us...our salvation was His joy...He came making Himself completely vulnerable and dependent as a baby...He suffered, literally pouring Himself out...and, He is still longing to give...all He asks of us is to make ourselves vulnerable, completely dependent on Him, then to feast...so what are you waiting on...we are in the season of great excess...go for it!...feast on the Giver of Life... "Jesus said to him, 'I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day. For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in him." In His mercy and grace, He ruins us for the barren ordinary and places the rich opulence of the extraordinary in our hearts...eternity.

Sickness, Snow, Selah

"For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it." Isaiah 55:10-11 Tuesday at 1:30 am we awoke to the dreaded stomach bug...it had attacked our little Miss Mae. After getting all cleaned up and settled, she fell asleep on a little pallet her daddy had made for her in our bedroom. As I lie there trying to force myself back to sleep, I was feeling sorry for my sweet girl, but there was also a bit of excitement bouncing through my heart for the next day...the excitement of everything being put on hold...selah: to stop, to pause, to listen, to hang upon, always...to curl up in our home babying my girl...an opportunity for my increasingly independent girl to "need" me a bit more...this "need" bringing sweet reminders of her babyhood...the refreshing rush of collected memories...don't we all want our mommies when we are sick no matter the age...sickness creates a need that makes you fully present in the living waters of love...our most treasured, fragrant memories are rooted in dependence...the "need"...when we allow the pouring out of love's anointed oil on one another...the fleshing out of the gospel... When morning came, it brought with it the first signs of winter...snow slowly floating down almost in a whisper...His breath dusting the ground...Selah: the white causing us to stop, to listen, stirring our souls...even if we are not conscience of it, this image of regeneration is wired in our hearts...our great "need"...the snow blanket falls seeping the earth, washing away, making things new...this image of redemption...He washes us clean...white as snow... Later that day, I put my girl in the bed with me, and as her regular voice of authority morphed into soft waves of vulnerability, I soaked in the moment...the slight tilt to lovie's head as she placed her right under her nose...the ends of her toes softly brushing against my legs...the crisp, white pillow where we lay our heads...the whispy angel hairs that danced around her face...the sweet harmony of her breath that whistled at times...my breath meeting hers...our life force intertwined...a moment emblazoned for the always... On this day, from the sickness, Selah...true awakening...Selah bringing restoration...His gifts are all around us there to receive when we stop, pause, listen and hang upon the great I AM trusting His goodness and His provision for that moment. "Lift up your heads, O you gates; be lifted up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in. Who is he, this king of glory? The Lord God Almighty- he is the King of Glory. Selah" Psalm 24:9-10

Naughty or Nice

Over Thanksgiving in Virginia, my two sweet boys were playing in the dining room as the rest of us lingered over dessert, clinging to our time in conversation...it was a moment, a moment of peace...and, then I heard the cries of frustration bubble up from Whitt, "Bruce, you are making a bad choice!!! YOU ARE BEING MEAN!!!" These were fighting words...Bruce, true to his red hair and much like a volcano, erupted shouting back, "I AM NOT A BAD BOY! I AM NICE!!" (emphasis added with a foot stomp when he said "nice") The entire table was trying very unsuccessfully to muffle laughter. Why did we find it so funny? Not only because it came from just about the cutest package ever, but because it, at least for me, reflected the trap I fall into at times. We want to be "nice," desperately trying to be "nice" by our own strength, placing our self-worth in being viewed as "nice," and often being left in a state of bewilderment wondering what "nice" even really looks like. The problem is we fall short every time; our strength will always run out, leaving us with the tattered, empty remnants of anger, frustration, and disappointment. During this time of year, there is so much emphasis on being "nice," but true freedom to love begins in realizing just how "naughty" our hearts truly are...when we cease striving to be something we are not...the trading in of our "nice" for the lasting fruits of the Spirit (Galations 5:22,23) has its first birth pains in the discovery of who we really are at our core bringing clarity to our motives... Just as my two year old sits atop a slide, clinging to the sides, held back for a moment by fear, we sit at the top of our "self" (self-sufficiency, self-reliance, self-promotion, our self, our control...pride) held back by fear....but, there is hope...just like Bruce has a daddy ready to pick him up when he reaches the bottom and a brother willing to hold his hand on the way down, we too have a Father and Brother (Proverbs 18:24)...when we decide to let go and slide to the depths of our heart, there is the Son ready to hold our hand on the way down and the Father waiting at bottom of our innermost being, His arms wide open with sheer joy and love...loving us in all our "naughtiness," our downright ugliness...catching us, claiming us as His own, His prized possession...it is in that moment that we truly come to understand mercy, His bounteous mercy...and, once you grasp the depth of His mercy, the natural response of your heart changes to deepened trust and gratitude...as He scoops you in His arms, lifting you up in the air with laughter, you discover the feeling of peace...peace that passes understanding...you find joy in the thanksgiving in all circumstances...joy is peace smiling...this is the "nice," His love in us...skewed motives suddenly turn to a divine purpose in our lives as we seek to please the true lover of our souls...our Father in gratitude of His gift...His mercy, His Son. Ann Voskamp's wrote a beautiful blog here: http://www.aholyexperience.com/2011/11/the-first-real-thanksgiving/ She referenced Leviticus 7:11-13 The first time thanksgiving is mentioned in the Bible it is in an offering ALONG WITH the peace offering...we find His peace in thanksgiving...fellowship with Him...and, without understanding His great mercy by looking at the true nature of our hearts, our "naughtiness," is true thanksgiving even possible? The Thanksgiving Holiday and the Christmas celebration are just as intertwined as the thanksgiving offering and peace offering..."Peace on Earth, Goodwill toward men"...our peace on earth is a free gift we claim when we offer thanks...let us run to His overabundant, free gift like little children run to presents at Christmas time...without pretense, grabbing as much as we can. Yes, this Advent season I am finding the stillness, the peace amongst the busyness by daily recognizing just how "naughty" I truly am. May we live in His mercy and seek to serve by His grace.